13th April 2018 / Doctor Who – CITY of DEATH

ARCTURAN MEGADONKEY

October 2017: And So It Begins…
November 2017: Return of the Megadonkey
March 2018: Why Who?


BLAKE’S 7

The Way Back & Space Fall
Cygnus Alpha & Time Squad
The Web & Seek-Locate-Destroy
Mission to Destiny & Duel
Project Avalon & Breakdown
Bounty & Deliverance
Orac & Redemption
Shadow & Weapon
Horizon & Pressure Point
Trial & Killer
Hostage & Countdown
Voice from the Past & Gambit
The Keeper & Star One
Warship & Aftermath
Powerplay & Volcano
Dawn of the Gods & The Harvest of Kairos
City at the Edge of the World & Children of Auron
Rumours of Death & Sarcophagus
Ultraworld & Moloch
Death-Watch & Terminal
Rescue & Power
Traitor & Stardrive
Animals & Headhunter
Assassin & Games
Sand & Gold
Orbit & Warlord
Blake & Series Overview


DOCTOR WHO

The WILLIAM HARTNELL Years (1963-1966)
An Unearthly Child
The Daleks
The Edge of Destruction
Marco Polo
The Keys of Marinus
The Aztecs
The Sensorites
The Reign of Terror
Planet of Giants
The Dalek Invasion of Earth
The Rescue
The Romans
The Web Planet
The Crusades
The Space Museum
The Chase
The Time Meddler
Galaxy 4
Mission to the Unknown | The Myth Makers
The Daleks’ Master Plan: Parts 1-6
The Daleks’ Master Plan: Parts 7-12
The Massacre
The Ark
The Celestial Toymaker
The Gunfighters
The Savages
The War Machines
The Smugglers
The Tenth Planet

The PATRICK TROUGHTON Years (1966-1969)
The Power of the Daleks
The Highlanders
The Underwater Menace
The Moonbase
The Macra Terror
The Faceless Ones
The Evil of the Daleks
The Tomb of the Cybermen
The Abominable Snowmen
The Ice Warriors
The Enemy of the World
The Web of Fear (audio only review)
The Web of Fear (re-discovered episodes) 
Fury from the Deep
The Wheel In Space
The Dominators
The Mind Robber
The Invasion
The Krotons
The Seeds of Death
The Space Pirates
The War Games

The JON PERTWEE Years (1970-1974)
Spearhead from Space
Doctor Who and the Silurians
The Ambassadors of Death
Inferno
Terror of the Autons
The Mind of Evil
The Claws of Axos
Colony in Space
The Daemons
Day of the Daleks
The Curse of Peladon
The Sea Devils
The Mutants
The Time Monster
The Three Doctors
Carnival of Monsters
Frontier in Space
Planet of the Daleks
The Green Death
The Time Warrior
Invasion of the Dinosaurs
Death to the Daleks
The Monster of Peladon
Planet of the Spiders

The TOM BAKER Years (1974-1981)
Robot
The Ark in Space
The Sontaran Experiment
Genesis of the Daleks
Revenge of the Cybermen
Terror of the Zygons
Planet of Evil
Pyramids of Mars
The Android Invasion
The Brain of Morbius
The Seeds of Doom
The Masque of Mandragora
The Hand of Fear
The Deadly Assassin
The Face of Evil
The Robots of Death
The Talons of Weng-Chiang
Horror of Fang Rock
The Invisible Enemy
Image of the Fendahl
The Sun Makers
Underworld
The Invasion of Time
The Ribos Operation
The Pirate Planet
The Stones of Blood
The Androids of Tara
The Power of Kroll
The Armageddon Factor
Destiny of the Daleks
City of Death
The Creature from the Pit
Nightmare of Eden
The Horns of Nimon
The Leisure Hive
Meglos
Full Circle
State of Decay
Warriors’ Gate
The Keeper of Traken
Logopolis

The PETER DAVISON Years (1982-1984)
Castrovalva
Four to Doomsday
Kinda
The Visitation
Black Orchid
Earthshock
Time-Flight
Arc of Infinity
Snakedance
Mawdryn Undead
Terminus
Enlightenment
The King’s Demons
The Five Doctors
Warriors of the Deep
The Awakening
Frontios
Resurrection of the Daleks
Planet of Fire
The Caves of Androzani

The COLIN BAKER Years (1984-1986)
The Twin Dilemma
Attack of the Cybermen
Vengeance on Varos
The Mark of the Rani
The Two Doctors
Timelash
Revelation of the Daleks
The Trial of a Time-Lord 1-4
The Trial of a Time-Lord 5-8
The Trial of a Time-Lord 9-12
The Trial of a Time Lord 13-14

The SYLVESTER McCOY Years (1987-89)
Time and the Rani
Paradise Towers
Delta and the Bannerman
Dragonfire
Remembrance of the Daleks
The Happiness Patrol
Silver Nemesis
The Greatest Show in the Galaxy
Battlefield
Ghost Light
The Curse of Fenric
Survival

The PAUL McGANN TV MOVIE (1996)

Ephemera
Dr Who and the Daleks (1965)
Daleks – Invasion Earth 2150AD (1966)
K9 & Company
Shada
Dimensions in Time
The Curse of Fatal Death
Return of the Missing Episodes – of Doom!

DVD Commentaries
An Unearthly Child – Pilot Episode
Terror of the Autons
The Five Doctors
Time and the Rani (30th anniversary)
The Day of the Doctor


FILMS

The Earth Dies Screaming
Goldfinger
Invasion
Island of Terror
Night of the Big Heat
Unearthly Stranger

DVD Commentaries
Biggles – Adventures in Time
A wannabe TV chef with a penchant for eating animal vomit and dressing like a woman keeps waking up in muddy fields with a man who’s trying to get his camel across France in order to ask the neighbours to keep the noise down.  There’s a man who lives in a clock, a woman eating dodgy mushrooms in an igloo and a hoax phone-caller who offers the strangest advice to people.

Carry On Cruising
All aboard the Happy Wanderer for a quick round-the-world cruise.  The first round of FloDears are on us….just don’t eat the cake.

Carry On Abroad
Good Morning everybody, welcome to Wundatours! We shall be arriving at ElsBels shortly where we have a wonderful weekend planned.  We shall be staying at a marvellous no star hotel that hasn’t been finished yet, staffed by humourously baffled locals.  You’ll have plenty of time to enjoy sunbathing in the torrential rain and we have a charming outing to the local town where we have arranged for you to take part in a street brawl with the local prostitutes followed by a night in an overcrowded mixed jail cell.  A last minute addition to the schedule is a huge piss-up before we leave. I would ask that anyone allergic to mosquito bites, wet cement and ankle bracelets takes plenty of medication. Everybody ready? Off we go!


HAMMER

Vampires
Captain Kronos 
A hero who doesn’t talk, a man who’s always having a hunch, an extremely unhelpful execution victim, a dead dad who throws rodents at women, spontaneous amphibian revivification, rough sex, public humiliation, grave robbing, a carrier bag with a man’s face in it and the strangest game of statues ever. 
This is Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter: Madder than a hat full of frogs.

Dracula AD 1972
You’ve had Sexploitation. You’ve had Blaxploitation. Now it’s time for Fangsploitation as the legendary Count prepares to wake up and smell the seventies. What’s happened to the world?  Why’s everything beige?  Why’s everyone bored?  Yes, I know there were a couple of buxom wenches for me to snack on yesterday but I mean, come on,  I live on a building site with two young vampires called Johnny and Bob; My image is in serious need of some attention. …What’s that?  The family Van Helsing you say?  One of them wears low cut dresses and takes a lot of deep breaths? Well that’s more like it!  Bob, fetch my John Travolta suit!  It’s time to hit the streets of ’72 and rub some funk on it!

Dracula Prince of Darkness
A professional cat impressionist with an outdated sense of dress, a medically recognised allergy to sunlight and a desperate need for some dental work is unfairly victimised by a bunch of squatters who’ve quite clearly mistaken his stately home for the Three Bears hut (they sit in his chairs, eat his food and sleep in his beds). It’s clearly not a fairy tale though because after barging into the poor man’s home and helping themselves to all his stuff, they creep into his bedroom to do who knows what, and he’s forced to defend himself. When Reservoir Priests turn up on the side of the squatters though, it just gets nasty. Victimisation by the church of lonely, disabled social outcasts and English tourists behaving like common criminals?  Honestly, what is the world coming to?

Lust for a Vampire
An all-girl boarding school with a see-through dress code, a headmistress who perverts the course of justice, a history teacher who worships the undead and a new member of staff called Dick who’s desperate to introduce all the girls to his Richard (or something like that)… That’s right, in the best tradition of shows like Panorama or Newsnight, we look at a fly-on-the-wall documentary about the declining standards of education.
With added blood and tits.

The Satanic Rites of Dracula
Dracula’s a moron. We all know that he’s desperate for some eternal rumpy pumpy (let’s be honest, who isn’t?) and yes, he’s been resourceful enough to have found a mail order company that delivers brides by the crate-load, but that’s where his smarts end. He lives in a remote country house surrounded by a fence made of wooden stakes! His garden is full of vampire-lethal hawthorn bushes! His house is protected by a CCTV system that can’t see him! He has a sprinkler system, which is the same as deadly running water (and doesn’t stop his house from burning down anyway)! We never find out exactly what his company does but I’m willing to bet it makes pencils.
Or Garlic Bread.

Twins of Evil
What a pair! The local schoolteacher finds them to be a right handful, the God-fearing puritans struggle to get to grips with first one, then the other; even the vampire on the hill can’t wait to start sucking on them. Honestly, they just can’t contain themselves.  Careful handling is advised. …What’s that? 
Yes, I know she’s got a sister. They’re twins. What did you think I was talking about?

The Vampire Lovers
There’s not much that can be said about this one without using words like ‘nubile’, ‘sucking’ ‘chopper’ ‘heaving’, ‘bouncing’ or ‘woodsman’s daughter’ but I’ll try…  Ingrid Pitt and Madeline Smith are…..no, that’s it, I need to go and have a cold shower

Mummies
Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb
One Valerie Leon just isn’t enough.  Especially in this tale about a sleepy, scantily clad amputee with an ornament fetish, who takes revenge on a bunch of peeping toms after they break into her bedroom and move stuff. 
She won’t go down in history as one of the all-time great revenge killers though; she lets her mind wander and it takes her about 20 years to get started. Even then she can’t be bothered to get out of bed, so she has to rely on her more sensibly dressed look-alike to scare the bejeezus out of a few pensioners by moving some statues about. I don’t care what other people might think; Death by Feng Shui won’t get you in anyone’s top ten.

The Mummy’s Shroud 
Originally called The Mummy Snored, this is Hammer’s only attempt at a horror-comedy-whodunnit. A narcoleptic accountant, recovering in bandages after getting caught in a fight while on holiday in Egypt, wakes up to find out that the souvenir tea-towel he’d bought for his mummy has been stolen.  He decides to track down the burglars and get back his tea-towel only to find that it keeps ending up in the hands of different tourists! Hilarity ensues on the streets of Cairo as he chases (among others) a bumbling photographer,  a linguist who can’t read and a Human version of Penfold, only for each one of them to be killed in a run of increasingly hilarious accidents each time his narcolepsy kicks in. As the police begin to close in, no one has realised that the local religious fanatic and his mad old baggage of a mum are also after the tea-towel as it has a secret code written on it that can raise the dead. Can our accountant put 2 and 2 together, find his, rather pathetic, souvenir, stop the tourists from dying and thwart the zombie-raising locals before he’s arrested?  Or will he just sleep through the whole thing?

Other
The Devil Rides Out 
Spying, trespass, assault, incitement to riot, double kidnapping, multiple car theft, graffiti, wanton vandalism, time manipulation, possession of the living by the dead, chicken in a basket and saying it’s all God’s fault… The aristocracy isn’t what it used to be. I blame the parents.

Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde
Are you ill? Do you suffer from common diseases, like influenza, diphtheria and death?  If the answer to that question is yes, then this new miracle cure from Jekyll Pharmaceutikills is for you. Made from hormones and..er..stuff, this green wonder liquid can cure all ailments! Simply take the daily recommended dose (several regular bottle-fulls whenever you feel like it) and before you can say ‘it wasn’t me, guv’, you’ll feel like a new man.  Or woman.  Or both. 
Warning – this product WILL cause loss of appetite, hairy knuckles, genital disappearance, bi-sexual, schizophrenic trans-gender killing sprees and an aversion to opera.

Hands of the Ripper
Wrists of the Tearer, Knuckles of the Strangler, Thumbs of the Puncher, Index Finger of the Presser – these are just a few of the ideas that were discarded in favour of Hands of the Ripper; a film about whores, frauds, a wet fish and a right berk.

The Hound of the Baskervilles 
What do a tarantula, a herring and a butler’s wife’s brother have in common? I don’t know either but they all cause trouble for the World’s Greatest Detective, Sherlock Holmes. So much trouble in fact, that he does a bunk for most of the adventure and decides to try his hand at more respectable employment. His eclectic choices of hotel management, pest control, impressionist and telescope repair man don’t go well though so he decides to jack it all in and live in a swamp. Until a mad spanish gypsy woman has a row with a horny rich toff in a field, whereupon Holmes proceeds to break up the row by fighting a dog with a bag on it’s head.

The Plague of the Zombies 
Wanted: Superstitious locals required for labour-intensive mining work. You will be working amongst a team of like-minded individuals, with plenty of “encouragement” from supervisors.  Fixed salary, holiday entitlement and career prospects. Uniform of dirty rags will be provided. Successful applicants will be desperate, gullible, injured, hostile to strangers and partial to bongo drums. Must have own corpse. 
All enquiries to Man in Creepy Mask, Secret Underground Voodoo Chamber, Abandoned Tin Mine.

Quatermass and the Pit
A film about a bearded scientist in a hole who hits the only woman in London because an insect under a train station tells her to throw stuff at him.


JAMES BOND DVD COMMENTARIES

The Man with the Golden Gun
Nick Nack, baddie whack, give the girl a bone. Having earned a nice holiday in Honk Kong, Bond gets into trouble straight away by flashing his tits at the wrong businessman.  He gatecrashes a Bruce Lee Appreciation Society meeting in his pyjamas, narrowly avoids a humongous kicking with the help of the local girls school after hours ninja club and gets arrested for joyriding in a stolen car with a racist stereotype. On the second day… he tracks down his biggest fan, shoots him and burns down his house, Bond then attends a wine wasting party where a bimbo and a midget fight over his junk. All that’s left now is to take revenge on his tailor.

Licence To Kill
Hey, old buddy. I’m afraid we can only spend a few minutes at the Blofeld Memorial Sanctuary for Retired Evil Cats, we’ve got a wedding to go to remember. Yes, I’ve got the presents; a leg from you and a crispy drug smuggler from me. You’ll have to hijack a petrol tanker to get there on time – and don’t forget, they like swearing, so practice saying ‘bastard’ a lot. No, that’s it.  Just remember to wear your best pink trousers, and can you feed the shark before you leave? Oh you have, bless your heart.

Diamonds Are Forever
For his latest scheme, Blofeld’s been dragged all the way to Las Vegas but Bond doesn’t want to go after him, he’s getting too old for all this. To be franks, he goes all the way to Vegas just so he can visit a crematorium and he’s feeling burnt out.  He gets his arse handed to him by a couple of disney characters, has a fight with a waiter over a bottle of wine and finds himself in the middle of a car chase on the moon!  If that wasn’t enough, his cheeky new girlfriend, who has a fetish for uncomfortable beds and exploding underwear, seems to be wigging out and switching sides. And all this because Blofeld’s trying to kill people with carrots! Still I can think of at least two excellent reasons for Bond to go to Las Vegas, and that’s plenty!

A View To A Kill
When the legendary insane genetically engineered masked swashbuckler known as Zorro loses all his money at the races, his permanently distressed girlfriend won’t leave him alone.  Nag, nag, nag, all day long. So, armed only with an endless supply of henchwomen, millions of dollars worth of real estate, a killer car wash, a mad scientist, every stick of dynamite in the universe and a balloon with a Z on it; he tries to quickly recoup his losses by going to San Francisco and cornering the market in really small chip shops. But Fish and Chips are Britain’s answer to haute cuisine, dammit!  You can’t take them away from us.  So in rides Bond with his trusty Steed.  But it’s his last day on the job and he’s planning to take it easy…a bubble bath, a hair colouring, a cookery course, surfing lessons…  Oh well, Charlie’s Angels and The Chinese Detective will have to sort it out.


RED DWARF DVD COMMENTARIES

Red Dwarf 2.1 – Kryten
Red Dwarf 3.6 – The Last Day

30th Anniversary Commentaries

Red Dwarf – Series 1 Favourites: Future Echoes & Confidence and Paranoia
Red Dwarf – Series 2 Favourites: Stasis Leak & Queeg
Red Dwarf – Series 3 Favourites
Red Dwarf – Series 4 Favourites
Red Dwarf – Series 5 Favourites
Red Dwarf – Series 6 Favourites
Red Dwarf – Series 7 Favourites
Red Dwarf – Series 8 Favourites
Red Dwarf – Series 10 Favourites
Red Dwarf – Series 11 Favourites
Red Dwarf – Series 12 Favourites


SAPPHIRE & STEEL

Assignment 1 (aka Escape Through A Crack In Time)
Assignment 2 (aka The Railway Station)
Assignment 3 (aka The Creatures Revenge)

Assignment 4 (aka The Man Without A Face)
This one’s got a man without a face.  Honestly, how crap is that for a villain? Okay, so you’ve only got one arm or maybe a wooden leg, or even just an eyepatch, you can still have a good chance of taking over the world or causing havoc. But I mean, come on – he doesn’t have a FACE! He can’t see where he’s going, he can’t ask for directions, he can’t roll his tongue into a tube….he can’t even use a mirror to draw one on. He’ll never say any of the truly great words like “moist”, “spasm” or “smock” and everyone he meets will just spend all their time making rude gestures at him in the joyous knowledge that he doesn’t have a clue. Although to be fair, when it comes down to the final face-off with his enemies, he’s already got one hell of a head-start.

Assignment 5 (aka Dr McDee Must Die)
Assignment 6 (aka The Trap)


STANDALONE TV

The Woman in Black (1989 TV version)
If there’s something strange/In your remote, isolated, creepy old english mansion/Who you gonna call?/The solicitors! Are you mad?
Because this solicitor has had no training in fighting ghosts whatsoever.  He doesn’t have a doctorate, he doesn’t have an un-tested, un-licenced nuclear accelerator on his back.  He’s got a dog.  A little dog. That runs away. He doesn’t know how to use a fireplace, he can’t swim, can’t follow instructions, and wouldn’t recognise a hint if it broke into his hotel room and climbed into bed with him. Which it does. 


STAR COPS

An Instinct for Murder & Conversations with the Dead
Reach across the stars with Nathan Spring as he takes command of the International Space Police Force (SPOF for short).  He didn’t want the job, he wanted to settle down and have a family but since his girlfriend watered his plants all wrong, she had to go. So now he’s among the stars, having to deal with corrupt cops, a one-man Mad Max tribute act on roller-skates, a sarcastic traffic warden who gets stroppy about other people’s rucksacks, an eight year-long case of fatal space nookie, and a hat that doesn’t fit properly! With no police station, no staff, cars, guns, truncheons, handcuffs or jail cells, all he’s got to rely on is a movie-quoting electrician and the one item he was allowed to take to the moon….a box. It’s not even a big box.

Intelligent Listening for Beginners & Trivial Games and Paranoid Pursuits
Something’s bugging SPOF’s Commander, Nathan Spring.  Could it be the desperate Indian multi-millionaire inventor who likes weird poetry and extreme sales pitches?  Could it be the paranoid American, Commander Griffin, who doesn’t like ‘yoo-ro-peens’ or SPOF but does like cigars and sexist chat-up lines?  Or perhaps it’s the nosy Russian, Krivenko, who suspiciously wants to be everyone’s best friend? No, it’s got to be his new best Pal, Kenzy, who forces her way into his life by lying, cheating, gambling, extorting, conniving, smuggling, resigning, interviewing and filing….filing?  Well, its must be fun out in space if that’s how you get your kicks.

This Case To Be Opened In A Million Years & In Warm Blood
Forced to go on his hols, SPOF Commander, Nathan Spring is determined not to enjoy himself.  After standing up a date, hiding in a cave, stabbing an Italian, insulting a policeman and taking some drugs, he goes back to work.  Unfortunately for him, Kenzie’s job hunting, Theroux’s having a right old grump and Colin’s coated the walls with sweat. Intimidating a tiny doctor and running into a room full of radioactive waste doesn’t cheer him up so he goes back to earth and relaxes in a sauna, sipping cocktails and slapping the businessman.

A Double Life & Other People’s Secrets
Anybody need a hand? A snooty pianist is rather attached to both of his but his father’s murderer is looking to add them to her collection because she’s mistaken them for a different but identical pair of hands that belong to the same man, kind of, who’s taken her three children to live in a cave on the moon where he plans to melt them and put it on youtube.  David doesn’t want Nathan and his Pal to make everything alright because he’s broken one and a couple of spares floating around might come in… wait for it… handy. Oh yes, and Catweazle travels further into the future, where he comes up against exploding card tables, an Australian in a cupboard, a sexually active Colin Devis and the Tarantino version of Bob The Builder.  Riveting stuff.

Little Green Men and Other Martians & Series Overview
The Star Cops see red as Krivenko lets yet another dubious associate run amok on the moon, Colin goes for a drive looking for an all-night chemists and Kenzy proves that there’s an art to policing (when she’s not throwing grenades at baggage handlers). But Commander Nathan Spring has had enough.  He’s fed up with all the untidy bedrooms, fake driving licences, fumbling in the dark, illegal drinking and even a bad case of chicken pox, it feels too much like being a teenager.  So hes decided its time for him to SPOF off to MARS: Bringer of Work, Rest and Play.  But he hadn’t reckoned on the World’s most gittish museum curator exploding on to the scene. I think this series is going to go out with a bang.


TIMESLIP

The Wrong End of Time
The Time of the Ice Box
The Year of the Burn Up
The Day of the Clone