STAR COPS

An Instinct for Murder & Conversations with the Dead
Reach across the stars with Nathan Spring as he takes command of the International Space Police Force (SPOF for short).  He didn’t want the job, he wanted to settle down and have a family but since his girlfriend watered his plants all wrong, she had to go. So now he’s among the stars, having to deal with corrupt cops, a one-man Mad Max tribute act on roller-skates, a sarcastic traffic warden who gets stroppy about other people’s rucksacks, an eight year-long case of fatal space nookie, and a hat that doesn’t fit properly! With no police station, no staff, cars, guns, truncheons, handcuffs or jail cells, all he’s got to rely on is a movie-quoting electrician and the one item he was allowed to take to the moon….a box. It’s not even a big box.

Intelligent Listening for Beginners & Trivial Games and Paranoid Pursuits
Something’s bugging SPOF’s Commander, Nathan Spring.  Could it be the desperate Indian multi-millionaire inventor who likes weird poetry and extreme sales pitches?  Could it be the paranoid American, Commander Griffin, who doesn’t like ‘yoo-ro-peens’ or SPOF but does like cigars and sexist chat-up lines?  Or perhaps it’s the nosy Russian, Krivenko, who suspiciously wants to be everyone’s best friend? No, it’s got to be his new best Pal, Kenzy, who forces her way into his life by lying, cheating, gambling, extorting, conniving, smuggling, resigning, interviewing and filing….filing?  Well, its must be fun out in space if that’s how you get your kicks.

This Case To Be Opened In A Million Years & In Warm Blood
Forced to go on his hols, SPOF Commander, Nathan Spring is determined not to enjoy himself.  After standing up a date, hiding in a cave, stabbing an Italian, insulting a policeman and taking some drugs, he goes back to work.  Unfortunately for him, Kenzie’s job hunting, Theroux’s having a right old grump and Colin’s coated the walls with sweat. Intimidating a tiny doctor and running into a room full of radioactive waste doesn’t cheer him up so he goes back to earth and relaxes in a sauna, sipping cocktails and slapping the businessman.

A Double Life & Other People’s Secrets
Anybody need a hand? A snooty pianist is rather attached to both of his but his father’s murderer is looking to add them to her collection because she’s mistaken them for a different but identical pair of hands that belong to the same man, kind of, who’s taken her three children to live in a cave on the moon where he plans to melt them and put it on youtube.  David doesn’t want Nathan and his Pal to make everything alright because he’s broken one and a couple of spares floating around might come in… wait for it… handy. Oh yes, and Catweazle travels further into the future, where he comes up against exploding card tables, an Australian in a cupboard, a sexually active Colin Devis and the Tarantino version of Bob The Builder.  Riveting stuff.

Little Green Men and Other Martians & Series Overview
The Star Cops see red as Krivenko lets yet another dubious associate run amok on the moon, Colin goes for a drive looking for an all-night chemists and Kenzy proves that there’s an art to policing (when she’s not throwing grenades at baggage handlers). But Commander Nathan Spring has had enough.  He’s fed up with all the untidy bedrooms, fake driving licences, fumbling in the dark, illegal drinking and even a bad case of chicken pox, it feels too much like being a teenager.  So hes decided its time for him to SPOF off to MARS: Bringer of Work, Rest and Play.  But he hadn’t reckoned on the World’s most gittish museum curator exploding on to the scene. I think this series is going to go out with a bang.