18 Dracula Prince Of Darkness

A professional cat impressionist with an outdated sense of dress, a medically recognised allergy to sunlight and a desperate need for some dental work is unfairly victimised by a bunch of squatters who’ve quite clearly mistaken his stately home for the Three Bears hut (they sit in his chairs, eat his food and sleep in his beds).

It’s not a fairy tale though because, after barging into the poor man’s home and helping themselves to all his stuff, they creep into his bedroom to do who knows what, and he’s forced to defend himself. And when the Vatican’s militant pensioner wing side with the squatters, it just gets nasty.

Victimisation by the church of lonely, disabled social outcasts and English tourists behaving like common criminals… Honestly, what is the world coming to? He only wanted a girlfriend.  Or two.

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